the lows are so extreme

that the good seems fuuuckkkking cheap

i am going to crawl into a giant  plastic wal-mart  bag

and i will tell a giant ape to pound on the plastic wal-mart bag

it’s funny how people adapt to things

i want to pee in your car

i want to feel your girlfriend’s boobs

i want to pee in the  street

when people point and stare

i will aim my pee towards them

i will get your girlfriend’  preggers ‘

feel like going out and buying some crack and smoking it

i will become a ‘ crackhead’

and i will die

it will be funny

wait i don’t think i want to use/abuse crack

just want to drink alcohol and wear expensive cologne

and pee on your girlfriend

i want to pee into rivers

from the hudson to the nile

life is stupid and annoying

because i am stupid and annoying

i am important and i feel like i am above people

i am alone and stupid but i am above people

i am below people

i am annoying and stupid

i am annoying and retarded

i am annoying and ugly

i am stupid

i am annoying

i should die soon

i really should die soon

life is stupid and annoying

i hate waking up

i don’t want to wake up anymore

life is stupid and annoying because i hate going to sleep

life is stupid and annoying because people think i am’ stupid and annoying’

nothing happens

nothingness

2009 is almost over

i will eat new things

and read new emails

she will  never become  my  girlfriend

i told her before i ‘ liked her’

she told me she did not like me back

we are alone together sometimes

i told her she was pretty

she smiled and grabbed my hand

i am a sissy and i am fucked

i should of kissed her

i know she likes me now

not sure why i avoided her today

i am fucked

the future looks bleak

december 2010 looks bleak

i just want to eat some things

and buy things

and go to sleep not feeling alone

i will never be happy

i am going to stick my hand into a boiling pot of coffee

maybe i will feel something

not sure

gwen walked to class and felt stupid for being late

she was  failing the class but she felt like she had to go today, for some reason

gwen only slept 3 hours the night before

gwen started to date someone . . . . . kind of

she spent the night before thinking about that person

she sent a text to that person this morning

she has not gotten a text back

gwen feels like dying

gwen is depressed

gwen saw the building of  her classroom and felt like dying

gwen was about to the open the door of her classroom

but she felt ‘ fucked ‘

she turned around and went to her dorm room

she waited for a text back

she did not get a text back

nothing ever works out she thought

she looked out the window and saw some people playing a game in the grass

she shut the blinds

the room became dark

she sat down on the floor near her bed

with a red pen she wrote on her left hand

‘ i can’t force anybody to love me’

than she wrote on her right hand

‘ somebody please love me ‘

she climbed into her bed and laid there for 6 hours

she checked her phone and there were no new messages

i’ll write another poem instead of writing an essay for school

last night i was determined to clean my room and write a 1,000 word essay

i was going to text somebody and maybe go somewhere and do something

now i feel like i will spend the rest of my day trying to boost my self esteem enough to the point where i could clean my room and write a 1,000 word essay

i have a dvd from the library

i should have returned 4 weeks ago

it’s not a very long long walk to drop it off

why don’t i drop it off

i took out a book about artists in china

it’s like 1,000 pages and weights like 25 pounds

it has cool pictures of chinese artist’s homes

i only looked it 2 times

i was supposed to return it 3 days ago

i have nothing but free time but i ‘m failing my classes

why am i fucked

i am fucked

i should become a mormon

wait

i do not want to become a mormon

i don’t know what they believe

i don’t want 8 wives

i want a job where i can wear a suit and carry a briefcase

i want an office in a high rise building

i want to be paid really well

when i get there i want surf the internet

and listen to indie music all day

and read the most relevant blogs

and never do any ‘ actual work ‘

i know

i have to work hard

but hard work is stupid

andrew carnegie never worked hard

i am not lazy

i ‘ m just too overwhelmed to do anything of importance

i feel  impending doom

i feel empty

i feel ‘ nothing’

i want to cry or something

i wish i could cry right now

or feel peace inside or something

i feel like my body is numb

fucking body image distortion

‘ damn’

sadness is the only emotion i can feel i guess

i hope someday i will get married

that would be cool

all my life , it always felt like i was ‘ annoying’ somebody

my mom  ‘ loves ‘ me but she finds me ‘ annoying’ and she is critical for the sake of being critical

that would be cool , if somebody could not find me ‘ annoying ‘

or something

i guess

fucking autistic tendencies

fucking ‘ add ‘

my name is andy

my name is andy

my name is andy

my name is andymoreno

my name is andy

my name is andy

my name is andy

my name is andy

my name is andy warhol

my name is andy

my name is andy

my name is andy

my name is andy

manual labor is stupid and pointless

i am cool but i am very emotive

i am emotive but very cool

my name is andy

my name is andy

i live in my own world

i am a methodical and obsessive person with a great love of art, wealth and fame

what are my thoughts

what are my thoughts on psychology,society,politics, law, religion, philosophy, architecture, visual arts, literature, music,

i care about pretty things  and things that make me ‘ happy’

things make me’  happpy ‘and some people make me happier

i learned how to sew when i was about 9

but it was very boring

i used to read books for long periods of time

but it was very borning

why go to art school

just draw

why go to grad school

just write

why go to film school

just film a movie

i do not want to work

i was a strange and annoying boy

i am a strange and annoying young adult

want to read a new poem i wrote

it’s called ‘ this is what i feel like right now ‘

chchhhhhhhhhhhhhchhchchchcchchchchinnnnnnngggggg

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhahaahah ok ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

ggggggggggggggrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrggrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

my poem is almost done

but sometimes i feel like this :

heeeeeeeeeeehehehehehehehehehheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeheheheh

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

<3 <3  <3 <3 <3  <3

<3 : (

blank blank stare

flowers

i am a meaningless and stupid ‘ asshole ‘

done

sometimes i have stuff to do

sometimes i feel like dyin

i wish i wanted to go home

wait i have no home

the future looks bleak

sometimes i feel like i will live a great life

sometimes i feel like i should  die pretty soon

last night i had a dream about jenny lewis and ernest hemingway

jenny lewis and i were  waiting at a bus stop near the sunland park mall on the westside of el paso texas

we smoked cigarettes together and i held her hand

it was august , it was hot, the sun was setting

jenny lewis looked at a palm tree

i looked at some cars

she said ‘ were not taking the bus’

i said ‘ how will we get back to our houses than’

she said her friend ernest hemingway is picking us up

i looked at a palm tree and put my head down and said ‘ okay’

she said ‘ we can’t hold hands in front of ernest hemingway’

i said ‘ why’

she said because ernest hemingway likes me and i don’t want anybody’s feelings hurt

i said well it should not matter because your my ” girlfriend” and that is what people do when they are going out

she said yeah  but i like him too and i don’t want to ruin my chances with him

i said ‘ how is that supposed to make me feel

she said your acting like an asshole

i said  i am not acting like an asshole

she let go of my hand

ernest hemingway’s car pulled up to the bus stop

i said i am not getting in

she smiled and said ‘ okay’

i got close to her face and tried to kiss her

she pushed me away

and ernest hemingway beeped

and yelled ‘ stay the fuck off my girlfriend’

she got in the car and kissed ernest hemingway

ernest hemingway sped off in his shitty car and it made ‘ loud noises’

i texted her ‘ i’m going to kill myself’

i woke up and remembered that  it was not a dream

the whole thing happenned and but there never was jenny lewis or ernest hemingway

just some stupid girl and some loser who worked at subway or taco bell or some other shitty job like that

and it never took place in el paso texas

for  thnxfgvngs day i will say thank god :

that we broke up

that i never really even liked her  so  it’s easy to forget what she looked like

that  she ended up more unhappy than i was

for the other girls that i meet who are 1,000 times better

azns

my new found abilty to spot out sociopaths/bitches/losers/sadists/hippies

i don’t give a shit

i am sometimes hopeful for ‘ good things’ to happen to me

i feel overwhelmed in general

i want to lock myself in a room with a lap top and a fast internet connection and maybe a supply of vegan treats and rockstar energy drinks and bottles of adderall

i will be alone for two months

i did that

i felt simple

i felt alone

i did not feel happy but i never felt intense feelings of sadness

i went two months with out going outside or talking to a person

i went to buy some vegan treats  twice but that was it

and  i kept my head down and said nothing

it was easy

all the good

and the bad

cause i’ve been bad

i”ve lied, cheated, stolen, and been ungrateful for what i had

i’ve  been ungrateful for what I had

i wish i was from south america

i wish i from uruguay

i wish i was from montevideo

it’s hard to explain

i wish my head would fall off

hehe